Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Kaukalange

By Eric Kalunga

Once upon a time in land far far away there lived a little girl who had a cat. The cat was called Nunda and it was evil and it ate the neighbour’s chickens_

The neighbours complained but the little girl and her parents refused to do anything about it because the little girl loved the cat so much.

So Nunda ate and grew and it ate some more. Soon it ran out of chickens and began to eat goats. It ate the goats and it grew.

It grew so much that people began to fear it. They pleaded with the owners to get rid of it but again they did not listen.

Then nunda began to eat calfs and then cows. It ate all the cows in the village and all the goats and the sheep as well until there were no animals left.

Then it began to eat little children. By this time it was too late to do anything. The cat had grown to the size of a small house.

People tried to escape but it ran them down and ate them. Soon there was no one left but just one woman who was pregnant.

She was frightened and went to hide in the ceiling of her house. The beast never found her.

She gave birth to a baby boy. The moment that the baby came out she placed him inside a hot frying pan with sizzling oil. She fried the baby.

And the boy then leaped out of the frying pan, grown and talking.

She called him Kaukalange, child of a snake.

He asked his mother about his brothers and sisters and his mother told him that nunda ate them. He then asked where his aunts and uncles were and his mother told him that nunda ate them. He asked about his neighbours and all the other little boys and girls outside and his mother told him that nunda ate them all.

Kaukalange then vowed to kill the monster that ate his village and free everybody. So early the next morning he set out with a bow and arrows to seek and defeat the monster.

In the evening he came back dragging behind him the carcass of a huge animal.

He called out to his mother, “mother is this nunda?”

His mother peeked out of the house and shook her head, “no, my son, that is not nunda. You have just killed an elephant, nunda is a thousand times bigger.”

The next morning Kaukalange set off again in search of the monster cat. In the evening he brought back a lion.

“Mother,” he called out again, “is this nunda?”

His mother peeked out of the house and shook her head, “no, my son, that is not nunda. You have just killed a lion, nunda is a thousand times more terrifying.”

The morning after that the boy set out again to find nunda and free his people. Later that evening he came back empty handed.

His mother came out to meet to him, “what happened my son?” she asked.

He said, “I met a big and terrible animal today, we fought and I defeated it. But I couldn’t bring it here for you to see because it was too heavy.”

“Come, show me where this animal is and I shall tell you of it is the terrible nunda,” his mother told him.

Together they set off. Deep in the forest they came upon the carcass of an animal as big as a mountain. Arrows were sticking out of its body and the trees nearby were all flattened to the ground.

“Is this nunda, mother?” Kaukalange asked.

“Yes indeed my son,” his mother replied, “this is the beast that ate everyone in our village.”

Kaukalange quickly drew a knife and sliced open the belly of the beast. All the animals and people that nunda ate came tumbling out.

It was a long stream of people and animals. People set up fires to warm themselves in the night chill while waiting for others to come out of Nunda, There was great joy as old friends and relatives saw each other and hugged.

The last person to come out was Kaukalange’s uncle. He had an arrow sticking out of his left eye. One of the arrows that shot the animal went through to him. He was not very happy.

“Who did this to me?” He screamed angrily.

He wouldn’t listen when people told him it was an accident. He demanded that they hold Kaukalange for him so that he could pierce the boy’s eye in return.

At hearing this everyone was very angry. They then took him and put him back inside the stomach of nunda. Then they sew the belly shut with him still inside.

Everyone was glad to see him go. They thanked Kaukalange for freeing them and went back to the village where they lived happily ever after.

The end.

5 comments:

  1. Hi

    I enjoyed the story; it was a quick sweet read. A have a few remarks on the story, hope they help and the criticism is constructive not destructive. Here goes;

    However, I would not give you credit for originality; it’s a common traditional folk story, you only changed the form of the ogre from the normal ones and introduced a somewhat new one; the cat, I wonder why.

    As a short story it works although I kept anticipating a new twist, you gave me the ungrateful uncle being left in the carcass, nice but it only serves to give another moral to the story.

    The use of the cat as the monster and the son of a snake as the hero are in conflict. I don’t know if you did this intentionally but logic goes that a cat would kill the snake not the other way round.

    Looking at the setting, am assuming, mark my word Assuming, that it happened a long time ago when we had huts…. You mention houses and ceilings.

    The story left me with a few questions and here are the main three

    Why did the mother fry the child when it was born?

    Why did she say he was the son of a snake?

    Why this story now?



    A few nit picks

    -Capital N for the cat’s name.

    - Second sentence of first paragraph should end with a full stop, not a hyphen.

    - a small sp I guess on the part below…

    -“Come, show me where this animal is and I shall tell you of it is the terrible nunda,” his mother told him



    I believe this should read

    “Come, show me where this animal is and I shall tell you IF it is the terrible nunda,” his mother told him

    - another thing is dialogue. You have already established the conversation is between mother and son. You do not need to put the word he said, she said all the way.
    In the paragraph below, you need not say HE SAID when the son is speaking. We already know that he is responding.


    His mother came out to meet to him, “what happened my son?” she asked.

    He said, “I met a big and terrible animal today, we fought and I defeated it. But I couldn’t bring it here for you to see because it was too heavy.”

    I hope my remarks are helpful

    Morris

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  3. Thanks Morris, i shall work on your points.
    concerning your three questions.

    1. Why was the baby fried?
    I needed the kid to grow up fast so he could set off to kill the monster. it is a tool i used as a writer. other ways could be the baby being born grown up or waiting around for years to pass until he is old enough to go fight.
    In any case, an infant crawling off with a bow and arrow to kill Nunda would been weird.)


    Why call him child of snake?
    i have no idea. i will need to go back and check with my original source.


    Why now?
    Its been with me for a while and i was thinking of doing something big with it, like a novel. this is a test although that book is already in progress. teh teh.


    finally, will re work the story and re-submit new and improved.

    asante.

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  4. The story sounds awfully familiar ... I don't know.

    Anyway, I did enjoy it, Eric. Children would enjoy it as well as grown ups.

    I rarely ask how and why - I just enjoy the story. Unless it is very necessary, then I would ask.

    My "why" today is the frying of the baby. I understand the need to have the baby grown up, but couldn't you use other means - the mother ate baking powder (or something similar) for instance if it was the era of baking powder then. Lol.

    I think the image of a puffed up baking powder baby would also make children laugh.

    I am also curious, Eric, as to how did the people survive in Nunda's stomach, clearly with no food? if they ate the livestock, how was it cooked? Any curious child would wonder about this, such maybe you should build up a bit on this Eric?

    I am guessing the little girl was eaten up too. Lol. Serves her right, lol.

    I will show this story to my niece, I know she will love it!

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  5. Hi Sahara, thanks for reading the story.

    I like your idea about puffing up the baby with baking powder. It achieves the same effect but is way less gruesome... so kid friendly.
    I think I will work with it.

    On the questions of what the people ate in the stomach of the Nunda, I think I took a lot of things for granted here and the story needs to address these issues.

    You are not the first person who has raised these questions of logic and to wonder what happened to the little girl who started it all.

    Someone also told me that children are extremely rational and they will want answers for all these questions.

    So it’s back to the operation table for me. Hope people won’t mind reading the improved version again in the near future.
    Thanks.

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