Friday, June 12, 2009

LOVE NOT

By Eric Kalunga

The clock on the table it read 10pm. She stared at it a moment longer as if by sheer will she could change the time.

How could he make her do this? How could he humiliate her like this? She felt rage rising inside her. It rose from her stomach, a burning wave of fury, that rose through her chest, scorching her heart and then settling on her head... overpowering everything else there.

But in the next second the anger was gone and what came in its place was hope and understanding.

He was going to come, any time now. Suddenly she was sure that she could hear the doors of the lift, at the end of the corridor outside, hissing open and then closing. She could even hear the soft chime that the lift made as it opened its doors.

But it was another false hope. No one came to the door knocking. In fact no one even so much as passed outside the door.

So hope was gone and its place came the fear this time. Something had gone wrong. He was on his way to see her at the hotel and has had a terrible accident. Right at this moment he is lying in a bed in a hospital, perhaps Muhimbili, breathing through tubes...
Oh My God...

And his wife, she was probably there too and their children. And here she was...

But this scenario suddenly left her head to make room for one even more terrifying. That he had simply decided to ignore her. He had left work but instead of driving here to the hotel he simply decided to go home to his wife.

Panic closed its fingers around her tummy and squeezed. She let out a small gasp and had to go back and sit on the bed.

She had switched off all the lights in the suite save for the one in the bathroom. This one spilled out through the open bathroom door and formed a pool of light right before the main door.
Joy, a lawyer with one of the biggest law firms in the city, lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, trying to decide what to do.

She should just leave and forget the whole thing. Yet as her her hands felt the soft sheets on the bed she couldn’t but imagine what would be in store for her if she waited and he came.
Joy, its been three hours... a voice spoke up inside her head. She looked at the clock again. 10.08 it read.

Only eight minutes had passed since she looked at it last but it seemed hours had elapsed.
No she would wait here, she decided. She would wait until he came because HE was coming. And when he did, when he knocked on the door, she was going to cooly open it.

He was going to reach to her and start apologising but she was going to brush him away like an annoying fly. She was going to enjoy the look of surprise and hurt on his face.

Then she was going to pick up her purse of the table, slowly walk to the door and walk out...
No wait....

She was going to walk to the door, open it and then pause. She will turn to look at him, smile and say: “Go back to your wife Mike, we are done.”

Then she is going to walk out and close the door on him and their relationship. It felt good thinking like that.

She looked at clock again, 10.09, it said.

So she was going to wait... but not because she was desperate and wanted to feel his arms around her and their warmth and...

Stop it...

She was going to wait because she wanted to let him know how disappointed she was with him and that she was ending the affair.

You could just call him... now...

That annoying voice again... no, she was not going to call him. that did not have the same power as saying the words to him face to face.

The thought that she was not calling him because she was afraid of what that might reveal bubbled to the surface of her mind. For a brief moment she thought of it: she pressing the numbers and pushing call, hearing the phone ring on the other hand, and ring... and then the abrupt silence as he rejects her call... because he simply doesn’t want to talk to her or see her night.

Suddenly the initial anger returned. She was a lawyer for goodness sake, prosecutors tremble when they face her in the courtroom, judges treat her with respect and powerful men in the country beg her to take their cases...

She should not have to go through this. Suddenly Justine Timberlake began singing Cry me a river. It was her phone. She frantically fished it out of her purse and blindly accepted the call before pressing the phone to her ear.

“WHERE ARE YOU?” she cried.

“Uh? I am at home dear, is the seminar over?” a confused male voice.
Then she understood and felt irritation creep over her, “No, why are you calling?”

“Well, the children are asleep and you said you would be back by 8. I was worried,” he said.
Now she was just mad. “No, just go to sleep Jonathan. I will be very late.”

“Well, ok dea_”

She cut him off. For a moment her thoughts were not on Mike but at her home on her children.

They were asleep. That was good. She will see them tomorrow morning. Martha would need....

At that moment the unmistakable chime of the lift floated through the air and reached her ears...

This time it was for real, someone was coming. Excitement built up inside her. The bastard was coming. She was going to give him a piece of her mind and then walk out of here.
Footsteps came to a stop outside her door and there was a knock. She walked over and opened it. He walked in and scooped her up in his arms.

His lips fell on hers and hungrily fed. She fed too. He led her towards the bed.

She was going to give him a piece of her mind... just as soon as this night was over. first she was going to let him...

Oh that felt so good.

“I love you,” she whispered.

He lifted up his head and smiled, “I love you too baby,” then the head went back down.
And there her thoughts ended as her body screamed with pleasure.

Tomorrow, she was going to end it all tomorrow.

END

LOVE

By Shanande

I remember the time that I messed with an opportunity given to me, when I badly treated the one, whom by now he would have married me.

I met him when I was just in my early years of secondary school. He proposed me for his girlfriend for the first time in my life, at his office, where stamps for posting letters where sold.

“I think it is not my first time to see you here, by my window purchasing stamps, whom specifically do you send the letters, aaah is he or she and eeh...” he asked and before continuing I understood what he meant and so I interrupted him, “Yes, I normally send to my school mates. Our school is for girls only”. He then asked me to discuss more beside his window and I accepted.

“I am Ajos” He introduced himself “what is your name?” He asked me. “My name is Shalla” I replied. He shared with me certain areas of his interest in me from the first time he saw me and gave me an appointment of meeting each other somewhere else in the future, for lunch, and I did so.

“I would like you to become my girlfriend Shalla” he spoke to me after his long self introduction, life background, and hobbies, much related to what he had called me there for.

“I know you are required to have much attention to your academic issues, but I promise that I am not going to be a cause of discontinuity in your studies, hence support you toward better performance than before. You are such a beautiful lady whom I wouldn’t allow to stay away from” he insisted.

“Ajos, I am still very young to start involving myself into love affairs, for I am also scared of things like…mmh” I failed to mention want I intended and he asked me “ what?...eeeh… what? Say it, don’t be afraid of me Shalla!… after all, what is your age?”,

“I am just sixteen…and if I become pregnant there are lots of problems that I will face…for stance be chased away from school, and…”

he interrupted me “ I promise Shalla my…my…ooh my dear, all that will be taken in control, I will never let them happen, please, please, please, give me the chance and you will see, for I will not commit with you anything bad till you finish your studies” he insisted.

“I know most of ladies tend to demand a lot of money from men, whom they are in love with, but for me, you have to understand that I don’t need that, since my parents provide me with enough of it, unless you wish to provide me with presents, I mean, gifts.” I explained and he really appreciated.

There were ups and downs in our relationship. He used to buy me gifts during my birthdays, ceremonies like Christmas, Maulid and Easter; meeting my academic needs, and helped me writing notes in my school exercise books when I failed to cover them on time.

Our relationship lasted for more than five years before I messed.

Ajos had one bad attitude that I hated most, sharing love with more than one woman. I can remember very well the time I visited him and found having love affairs with another woman in his room. The room he rent after departing from her sister’s family, which he lived with when we started our relationship.

This bad attitude of his was spoken out and openly to me by many friends of mine and so I one day with great hunger went to his room and told him that I was going to react the same. He slapped for the first and the last time, and chased me out of the room. I really did the same without counting the side effects of it, and at that that the dangerous disease was another great disaster to our society.

I became pregnant with my teacher. I hardly tried to hide that from Ajos till when I finished and went back home from the boarding school that I was in, for I shared that with my family members and the news spread to reach him. He was so shocked to hear about that he decided to visit our home for an approval. My young sister lied to him that I was not in, and so we didn’t meet.

“But what have I really done” I spoke to myself, “What the mess have I committed with the opportunity I had” I sadly imagined.

I delivered a baby four months later after completing my secondary education. Ajos came home to greet me and the new born baby, with some gifts.

“Shalla, I know I was the cause of all these, can we forgive each other please and continue with our relationship?” He requested. I did not answer him nor comment anything for I was guilty, and knew that was not really coming from his consciousness. I tried to imagine the day he slapped me as I informed him of his attitude that I was going to do the same. So what he said was meaningless to me.

I shared all what Ajos said to my mother, who was around when he came. “Do not let that happen in your life for he may do worse than the experience you had before. For he accepted to be the cause of this, I advice you to keep him at a distance since he knew what bad he was doing by then”. She insisted.

I decided to follow my mother’s advice and so I one day went to his place to inform him of my decision. He was shocked and couldn’t compromise with in the beginning, though I strongly expressed my stand on it. I left him bowing his heard saying “ Okay,….Okay….okay…”

I am single for more than fifteen years now since I broke my relationship with Ajos, who is now married with a five years old child. I sometimes feel proud of being a strong decision maker in challenging issues of life, but there are times I regret of the mess I committed and think of “having price to pay” for the opportunity I lost.

I sometimes meet Ajos in town. He does not react me badly when I great him with a smile that hides a lot of pain and sadness. “Shalla you are as beautiful as I met you in the first day…don’t worry I still love you and…”He tried to encourage me, as I interrupted him, “Wooow… really!?...thank you though nothing is valid between us anymore”.

Love, has nothing to say that you are sorry. If it is well invested, its profit has to very well utilizes too, otherwise, there may be “A price to pay…”

END

Friday, June 5, 2009

AKUFAAYE KWA DHIKI...WANAWAKE TUKOMBOANE

AKUFAAYE KWA DHIKI…. “WANAWAKE TUKOMBOANE”
By Shanande John

Helena, mwanamke mwenye ujauzito wa miezi mine, amekaa sebuleni, ndani ya nyumba nzuri ya kifahari, waliyonnunua na mumewe Samson, anawaza na kutafakari maisha ya ndoa yake yenye miezi mitatu tu, ilivyo na kila aina ya purukushani.

Anakumbuka enzi za urafiki wao, hadi uchumba, kabla hajaolewa akiwa tayari ana ujauzito wa mwezi mmoja. Ujauzito uliomlazimu Samson afunge naye ndoa. Sharti lililotoka kwa wazazi wa Helena. Maisha ya uchumba yalitojaa kila aina ya raha na starehe.

Samson alizoea kufika kwa Helena na kila aina ya zawadi. Alihakikisha jokofu ya Helena imejaa kila aina ya mboga, tunda na juisi. Nguo na viatu, na hata maua alipelekewa.

Kwa sasa, Helena anawaza hayo, kuwa mbona hayafanyiki tena, na ikiwa wapo pamoja, hizo huduma zinapelekwa wapi!! Na tena imekuwa siku hizi akidadisi jambo anapatiwa majibu ya mkato, hata kupigwa. Ni miezi mitatu tu katika ndoa.

Katika kuyawaza hayo, Helena anakumbuka rafiki yake Suzana. Anaamua kumpigia simu na kumwomba afike nyumbani kwake Helena mara moja.

Suzana anafanya hivyo, na kumkuta Helena sebuleni akiwa na huzuni kubwa sana. Suzana anadadisi “kulikoni?”

Helena anamweleza rafiki yake Suzana, maisha anayopitia na mumewe na kuhisi ana maisha mengine kwingine. Anamwomba Suzana amsaidie cha kufanya, kwa kuwa wamekuwa wakisaidiana tangu maisha ya chuoni, ambapo Helena aliweza Suzana malipo mbalimbali na ada.

Katika kulitafakari hilo, Helena anamhoji Suzana kama ataweza kujifanya mpenzi wa mumewe Samson, ili amrejeshee kwake, na awe kama walivyokuwa wanaishi kabla hawajaoana, kwa hali na mali. Wakapanga namna itakavyokuwa.

Suzana analitafakari hilo na kulikubali, na kumuahidi Helena kuwa hatamuangusha.
Huko nje, Suzana akawa anamvizia Samson, kama vile kumwomba lifti kuelekea sehemu tofauti tofauti, kwa kuwa aliishi karibu nao. Akawa anajifanya kumsema vibaya Helena, kwa mumewe Samson.

Samson akajikuta ana mahusiano ya karibu na Suzana, na kwenda naye sehemu mbalimbali za starehe. Suzana akaendelea “kumchafua” Helena mbele ya Samson, lakini anafanya kinafiki tu, kwani anapokutana na Helena, anamweleza kila kinachoendelea, japo pia Samson akiwakuta nyumbani, Suzana hujifanya kumdhalilisha Helena kuwa ni mwanamke mchafu na hafai kuwa mke wa mtu, ili mradi tu Samson asilkie hayo, kumfanya aone kuwa Suzana na Helena hawaivani kwa sasa.

Samson anaamua kumwagia Suzana hela lukuki. Anataka hata kumfukuza mkewe Helena nyumbani akidai nyumba inanunuliwa, na ameshapatikana mteja. Kumbe anataka kumpatia Suzana, naye Samson bila kujua kama Suzana anawasiliana hayo yote na Helena mkewe, tena anampatia na hizo fedha japo anazificha Samson asipopajua.

Wakati anafikiria na kupanga namna ya kuiuza nyumba, Samson akawa anafikia hotelini. siku moja Helena anaamua kwenda akijifanya kumtafuta siku nyingi, akiwa amembeba mwanae wa kike, aliyejifungua miezi mitatu iliyopita, mchafu mchafu, akimsihi mumewe arudi nyumbani wakalee mototo wao. Kumbe ni sanaa anamfanyia mumewe. Samson akajifanya hamtambui na kuamuru wahudumu wa hotelini wamfukuze.

Suzana na Helena wakatafuta nyumba nyingine ya kumhifadhi Helena kwa muda Fulani, pamoja na mototo.

Akiwa ndani ya nyumba ya Samson na Helena, siku moja Suzana anaamua kumwalika Samson, bila kumwandalia chakula wala kinywaji chochote. Samson anafika na kukaribishwa kiti ndani ya nyumba ya kifahari ambayo kwa sasa anamilikishwa Suzana.

Suzana anaamua “kumwondolea uvivu” Samson, kwa kuanza kumweleza nia na madhumuni ya wito huo, kuwa si kama amefanya yote hayo kwa nia ya kumdhalilisha rafiki yake Helena, bali ni kumsaidia. Angependa kuona ndoa yake Samson na Helena inaendelea na kukua vema.

Anamuelezea habari nzima tangu alipoitwa na Helena kumwelezea matatizo ya ndoa yake na hata leo hii. Suzana anagonga meza mara tatu kwa nguvu, kama walivyoashiriana na Helena kabla.

Helena akiwa amembeba mototo wao wa miezi saba, wamependeza sana, anaingia sebuleni akitokea chumba kimojawapo cha ndani, na uso wa tabasamu zito. Anamwendea mumewe na kumsihi asimame ili ampokee mototo wao. Akiwa katika hali ya mshituko na mshangao, bila kuamini na yanayotokea, na kama vile hajielewi, anasimama na kumpokea mototo.

Anamwangalia Suzana bila kujua afanye nini au aseme nini.
anasimama na kuwaaga akiwaacha ndani wawili na mwanao ambaye mama yake alikuwa hajampa jina, akimwita “Baby”. Helena anajikaza na kumsogelea mumewe huku anabubujikwa na machozi yaliyojaa “heri na shari” anamkumbatia na kumwambia “Nakupenda sana mume wangu”…MWISHO

Looking for love

By Irena Pearse

He laid the empty cup carefully on the table. Flicked his eyes down at his phone.

“I have to go.” He cleared his throat. Pushed his chair back and stood up.

“I miss you.”

“Yeah. I have to go.” He took her hand as if to shake it and she stood up and hugged him tight.

She picked up her cup as the door clicked shut, and sipped at the now warm, bitter tea. She grimaced and put the half empty cup down. She reached out and collected up the two plates with their crumbs and half eaten bits of toast, his empty cup and then, carefully, her own half cup of cold tea. In the kitchen, she scraped clean the plates into the rubbish and poured the rest of the tea down the sink. She watched as the brown liquid seeped away amongst the debris of kitchen waste caught in the sink drain. She made a mental note to give it a good clean sometime soon.

The phone rang.

“Christine, it’s Dad. How are you?”

She sighed. “Fine. How’s things your end?”

“Your mum’s not feeling so good. Might be nice if you came by.”

“Sure.”

She punched the red button to hang up.

The train out of London took 20 minutes. As she walked to the house she felt the mixed rush of nostalgia and distaste which came with the familiarity of this commuter suburb, this shopping centre town. The bland concrete office blocks, the functional roads, the terraced cottage-houses built solidly for the tied-workers of Victorian times, so many generations ago. Now, this area was known as “the village”. The posh part near the railway station. Young couples moved in and out renovating the houses and selling them at higher prices, and the value of the neighbourhood had risen dramatically. Christine’s parents had bought their house before this trend and were one of the few who bought the house out of love, not to make money. Christine had been born there, was raised there, she’d seen the street change over time. Her parents had extended and decorated the house to make it suit their family. “It’s got a good feel,” her mother had said. “We thought about moving at one time but no house had the happy atmosphere as this one. It’s just something you can feel. As though all the owners before were happy. I can’t explain it.”

Christine turned the key in the front door, called and stepped inside. Her dad shuffled along the hallway.

“It’s good to see you.”

He had a full cup of tea in his hands, steaming, smelling fresh. “You want some? Maybe you could take a cup to your mum.”

Christine carried the two brimming cups up to the bedroom, and found her mother lying flat on her back in bed, radio on, towel over her head. Her skin was pale and damp, and her short dark hair stuck to the sides of her temples. She slowly lifted the towel from her eyes and squinted at Christine. Half a smile crossed her lips.
“You’ve brought me tea. Thanks.”

She eased herself up. Christine placed the cups gently on the side table and sat on the bed.

It was a reversal of what used to happen as a child. Christine remembered the time she had measles, her mother coming in, bringing in the cold and fresh smell from outside, cooling her eight year-old flushed cheeks with her hug. Her mother taking out fizzy drinks and some crackers for her – special treats for the sick child. Her words were those of the Great Healer. The mother knew exactly what to do, exactly how to make her feel better. She knew when she was sick and when she was faking it. She knew when Christine needed to go to bed and sleep, better than Christine herself. But although Christine was now the one bringing in the outside world, the caring words, she didn’t feel she knew what was the right thing to do or say.

Her mother handed her back the emptied cup.

“There’s more downstairs. Shall I bring some?”

“No thanks, that’s enough for now.”

Christine took the cups and flicked her eyes across at the clock radio.

“I have to go.”

“We miss you Christine.”

“Yeah. I have to go.”

She stopped by the chemist on the way home to her shared flat. Decided this time she’d pay the high price for this one-time only kit, a bit of plastic packaged in a pink box, as if the large box made the price seem right. A couple were slouched over the counter, looking through their holiday photos and giggling at the memories. The pharmacist waited patiently for them to confirm the pictures were theirs and pay the amount stated on the receipt he held out in his hand. Christine pretended to look at the hair products. Her eye moving from images of clean sun-kissed floating hair to dark sexy auburn burnish. Maybe she needed a change too. She glanced at the young woman, hair clean and golden, her boyfriend’s hand playing at her neck with it. Christine took a box of blond.

The flat was empty when she got back. Rachel had probably gone out – it was the weekend after all. She filled the kettle, flicked it on. Sighed. And felt her heart beat pick up. She took out the pink box. Took it to the bathroom.
“Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me what the future holds.”
Back downstairs, Christine switched the kettle on again as she heard the key turn in the lock.

“Only me.”

Absent mindedly, she started cleaning out the debris in the sink. She turned on the tap and soaped the sink. The kitchen door opened and a blast of fresh outdoor air whooshed in.

“How’s it going? What you doing? Look, I got some great deals down the market, look at this.“

Rachel took out a large floppy jumper and a spangley, top. Christine dried off her hands and they went through the bag of clothes together.

“Nice. Love it.”

They both sat exhausted, as if they’d just been shopping all over again, steaming cups of tea in front of them.

“I bought something too today.”

“What’s that?”

Christine brought out the box of blond.

“Hey, cool. Let’s do it.”

“What now?”

“You’re life is going to change, believe me.”

“I hope so.”

The End.